Well I’ve been following my “pagan” path for almost as long as I can remember though it really was in High School that I got more into things then I had been before then, mostly because I was older and had income to now buy some of the things that I wished to have (such as essential oils, crystals, a tarot deck, and other items). I know most of them I didn’t need to buy and that my gran showed me a lot of things that I really needed – but I was young and well it would be many years till I understood that you can use all that nature has to offer not just what has been made by man and that the more natural it is and from the heart the better it does feel (at least that is how I’ve come to view things in regards to walking my path now).
While in High School I ran into a fellow classmate who was pagan and who’s mother said she was a high priestess – I really didn’t believe her when she said she was or a lot of what she said to me and even less of what she said to me after she introduced me to her “grand high priest” they both said that I was an old soul (something my own gran had told me several times as have other people over the years from various cultures) but more of what was said to me just made me feel wrong and “unclean” or something to that effect. Anyhow, that was my first exposure to other’s who called themselves pagan or witches or even wiccan. Yes it wasn’t a great first introduction to it all but it taught me a few things that would take years to understand on various levels.
Then onto University where I actually started doing things on my own without support of others when it came to walking my path, no parents to say I couldn’t do this, no parents to day I couldn’t do that – i was on my own for the first time and I could do what ever it was I chose to do, and I did. Once i felt comfortable enough with what was going on in school and long before troubles started I did a self dedication out under the full moon one night. I dedicated myself to the earth, the goddess and her consort and to all of nature, I shared what I had gotten with nature (home made baked bread, some fruits and veggies and a glass of milk and water). To me it was a coming of age and independence, little did I know that in a short time to come I’d be facing a lot of issues that would put walking my path as I had seen it on the back burner to various degrees for many years to come.
Also during University I joined the local group that was part of university, but I didn’t really fit into the group as most of them where into drinking, partying and in short where furtherest from what my idea of being pagan was. They held their circles and had their meetings but each meeting and circle they used wine or beer or the like as an offering, they said that because spirits was natural that it made more sense to do so (it didn’t make any sense to me what so ever), thus I never really connected with any of them. Even the native community on campus I never fully connected with for all I was active within much of the goings on, i was still always an out sider (not one of them).
In Collage I meet a group of pagans and for a time we did rituals together and seemed to be on the same wave length in many areas, but again time passed and we disconnected and grew apart – though we still kept in touch (and still do to this day) it just wasn’t like anything we once did. We had talked about getting together again like old times, but its never come to be for various reasons (marriage, distance, etc).
Years after University and collage I connected with someone who I though was going to be good to me because we shared a lot of things in common, he was pagan, loved animals and well we matched in many areas. We went to local pagan events and even did rituals together. But he wasn’t the one, he wasn’t right for me in the end and when our year and a day had progressed I severed the relationship because it was not heathy for me to be in it any longer. But like other things the experience taught me much and actually helped me get out of the funk that I had gotten into while in university.
In the past couple of years I’ve been a little more active within my local community, but not as active as I once was. I’ve helped with the web site for our local pagan day gathering, even given talks at local conventions and at the pagan day gathering. My husband isn’t himself pagan but he does share many of the ideas and what not that I have plus we connect on other levels that I never though possible.
I might not be as active on my path as I once did over the years, but I’ve also learned that items and objects are not important but it is the intent in the heart that counts when all is said and dun and if that is what feels right to you and it works for you then so be it because its what is right for you.