As I sit here drinking my second cup of coffee, going though various childfree sites and watching my various twitter feeds with the TV going and Norman at my side on his computer (playing on facebook and chatting with friends).
I’m thinking various random thoughts, one of them is how much more laundry I still need to do and regretting not doing the dishes as soon as they needed doing so now have piled up enough that well its taken three or four times as long to do them as it should – oh well that’s what one gets when one gets busy and doesn’t do thing right away, you pay the price with less free time open to you to do things you wish or other wise feel you need to do (like go to the pharmacy and pick up your medications).
Which leads me into thinking about other topics and the one that has been on my mind or rather I’ve been hearing a lot of late (though twitter, facebook and other sources) “You’ll change your mind…” weather the commend if from those who can’t understand why someone with PCOS would not wish to have children or be it from those who can’t understand why I’ve not converted to Norman’s religion that he was raised in to some other topic at hand, there is a lot of comments going on with the “You’ll Change Your Mind” going on around me of late.
Now I can understand why someone might ask such a question, because I’ve said a few times the same deal under various topic headings – now it makes me thing why did I say it and when I hear it my own response to the comment. I’ve said it under the terms of “you’ll change your mind, when your older” in regards to someone who said that they will never find the right person to be with, yet hearing that from a 16 just makes me think that they are young and thus haven’t meet enough people yet to make such a statement in a lasting deal, yet who am I to say that when I had people when I was that age telling me that I’ll change my mind when it comes to not wishing to have children.
But I can also say that said person hasn’t found their one as yet, but nor has she dated since she got serious about her education and is looking to get her education before she starts the dating world, but now she agrees that with time she will find the right person for her once she is ready to do so, since she does wish to have that “ideal family” deal going on.
But I still think about my own what ifs, if N could have fathered children would I still be as strong on my stance to be childfree as I am? If I would still have a child of my body and N could give me that child would I have gone to the lengths I did in the past to make sure it didn’t happen. I have no answer to those questions because the past is the past and one of the reasons I chose to date N to start with is because he wished to be Childfree, but at the same time I do still wonder if I had meet him early on in my life (before getting raped, before the miscarriage, etc) would I have put aside my wish to be childfree in let nature takes its course if it was meant to be.
But its the past, I can’t undo what has been dun. But I do think that even if I had meet him early on that I would still have kept my childfree status and wish. In part because I’ve never had that maternal side when it comes to children, I can get along with them for short periods of time, but at the end of the day I do have to give them back because I just can’t do the 24/7 deal with them. Though it still is part of my life of “what ifs” because well its something I just wonder about – but see no need to worry about or invest in because its just a quoristy not a driving need.
Thus all those comments of “you’ll change your mind” or “wait till when you are older” I have said and I still get told. But I also know that I fall into the general world out there of expecting another female or male to become a parent, even if I am not interest or like the idea, its still something that I expect to happen because its the so called norm and am always pleasantly surprised to hear and meet someone else who has made the choice to be childfree for what ever reason is their own.