10. Your drum and chant ends with “Hey! Macarena!”
9. You find your animal totem in the other world, and it pees on your leg.
8. Your psychic visions are interrupted by commercials.
7. You’re making a medicine wheel when someone comes up and starts yelling, “That’s my steering wheel!”
6. Bored with the sweat lodge, you ask the guy beside you to pull Your finger.
5. You’re asked to put out the sacred fire in your apartment.
4. You put on the wolf skin and begin chanting, and then you hear a growling sound in your ear.
3. You’re spirit guide did ten years in the state penitentiary, wants To know where the action is.
2. You believe you’re taking a mind-altering substance, then your Wife asks where her birth control pills are.
AND THE NUMBER ONE SIGN YOU’RE NOT A VERY GOOD WITCH
1. You thought Soul Retrieval was a James Brown song