To those who are Mother’s Happy Mother’s Day, to those who are not like myself I hope that today has gone well for you and that you’ve been able to enjoy your day regardless of if you have contact with your own mother or not.
Today was not an easy day for me and I know its not easy for my dad since it is our first Mother’s Day without my mom being here, we might not have openly celebrated it but it was known in our hearts because mom use to make sure that my Dad’s mom had it as a special day and that her own mom got it as a special day, but for herself it wasn’t because it didn’t feel like it was her day because of her own mom and my dad’s for for her Mothering Sunday was her special day to be pampered and taken care of.
Its hard to think about my mom today, trying to write this has me in tears because I still miss her oh so much. I said a lot of things to her in her last days on this planet and some of the things I said I now am sad that I even said them to her (nothing mean or mean spirited or that side of thing) because if I knew then what I know now I’d not have said those things and I’d have tried to get things that she was asking about dun, but I didn’t I can’t change the past or what I said or did, all I can do is say that I am sorry and try and do my best to complete the things that she was asking me to do while she was still here on this earth with me. She might still be walking at my side and there for me in spirit but its hard to feel her at times when I remember how frustrated I was various things when she was alive.
I know I said I loved her and I know I said that I cared about her, but some times my actions towards her said other wise and I truly regret that because she meant so much to me on so many levels, some I am only now starting to understand and realize.
I love you mom, I know you are there watching out for Dad and I. I pray that you are taking care of granny and that you are out of the pain that you where in while here, see you on the other side one day, love you and miss you.
Happy Mother’s Day Mom, you are loved and in my heart always.