Well its been a full day since we had to take Griff to the vet one last time and its not been an easy time for anyone here what so ever, least of all me. I am having a hard time coming to terms which him not being here, and even harder terms in having to have him sleep that everlasting sleep. I didn’t wont to let him go, I didn’t wont to let the vet do what needed to be dun. I feel so guilty for having to let it happen for not letting him come home and do it in natures own time (even if that meant I only had him for another 24 hours or less), but hearing the vet say that his spleen had ruptured and that he was bleeding inside and that it was only a matter of time before he went to sleep of his own accord never to awake again.
I wonted to say fine, we’ll bring him home and let him sleep till he doesn’t wake again, but I couldn’t bring myself to say the words I couldn’t let his time left on the earth be that of pain and discomfort. Even while lying on the floor at the vet’s office he was munching on liver treats and trying to stand and trying to move around and everything, he was fighting it appeared to stay with me and not let me out of his sight. He was so so eager to get at those liver treats, it was so painful to tell the vet that yes it was time that he sleep the final sleep.
I couldn’t say that word, I couldn’t bring myself to say it, I still have an issue saying it. I didn’t wont to do it to him, I wonted him with me, I wonted him at my side and I wonted him happy and healthy again. I knew that when I got him that I might only have 5 years with him, I never expected to have him for 10 years, I never expected that he would live longer then is normal for his breed standard the fact that he made it though an illness back in 2009 (shortly after I got married he got real ill and my folks and the vet though he would have to go back then, but he wont the battle and survived), but this time he wasn’t able to beat the battle.
You might recall the blog entry I posted a few months back, when we learned that he had spleen cancer, well that is a battle that he wasn’t going to win, we had already said that we where not going to take extrondanary measures to save him, no operations, no drugs just treat him as natural and holistic as possible and give him as much love and care as we could and let nature takes its course since after researching it it turned out that even with treatment his chance of living longer wasn’t good or by much. The vet said we’d know when it was time, and though Norman said it was time and made the call to the vet to take him in, I wasn’t by any means ready to say goodbye to him, to me his time hadn’t yet come. But when the vet said that his spleen had ruptured and that even emergency surgery might not save him I knew it was time, for all that I still didn’t wont to let him go it was time.
It wasn’t easy holding him as he went to sleep, both Norman and I where crying, as was mom and dad. I know this hurt norman to many different degrees because he loved Griff in his own fashion and having to have him go to sleep reminded him of his own pup Shadow who he lost during our dating (a month before he asked me to marry him) and who I never got to meet in person but would have like to have dun so.
Oh well I know that I gave Griff as much love as I am able to give and that I loved him with all of my heart and being, he has been there when I have needed him and though life will move on without him in it, a part of him will always be with me no matter what because that is how life is, you carry with you parts of those you love, and love him I did.
I know it is going to take time to get use to not having him around the house and I know that I am going to miss him for years to come, I still miss Bliss and its been 10 years since her passing, yet I remember her passing as being hard at the time but not this painful (maybe it was because she actually passed before she was injected to make sure and all that, i don’t know but Griffs passing feels different then her passing, but regardless to me they are now both together exchanging information about life with us and in short eating all the cookies and getting all the scratches that they could ever wish for, that and they are with my grandmother who is taking very good care of them I am sure.