Memories back to bite

K I think yesterdays session had a hell of lot more of an impact on me then I first thought, last night nightmares where 10 fold and on top of that I woke in major pain not to mention having to run to the washroom and empty my stumic of its contents. I haven’t felt that sick in ages, talk about a nightmare in and of its own rights *shutters*

I hope to the creator that this isn’t the start of a new set of nightmares that wake me like that – cause I could well do without that reaction any time soon. Not to mention it freaking me out to no end, and taking me a few min to even remember that I was in my own bed safe and sound and not there with him.

Its been a hell of a long time since that type of reaction happened, something like 8 years or so now, as in it only happened shortly after I was raped, something I’d forgotten about, but now remember thanks to experiencing a similar thing again (sighs).

I didn’t realize that things would hit be this bad, like hello! its the past, not present, yet the dreams where more vivid and real then they have been since it happened – still faceless, but there is a voice that I can’t tell who it sounds like, and that is frustrating since it should sound like my first ex, but it sounds like a combo of both my ex’s.

If this is actual progress then its progress that I wish I new would happen, because its unnerving to say the least and has my tummy in knots thinking of going back to sleep – I really do not want to thanks to that dream session, though I know I have to sleep sometime, I just hope that dream stays away from me.

Sighs, I am so freaking tired, I need to get more sleep and I’ve got a headack coming on because of the lack of sleep (sighs I seem to get them when I got enough good enough sleep, which of late is far to often).

Oh well enough bitching, take care everyone.



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