sighs, life is complicated

Well I new it was coming to a degree, since well its been over three weeks since I was last at work. I got the letter today, its official I’m out of work (sighs my life is doing down the drain) .. It took me almost 4 years to get that job! and now thanks to Bell and their lack of people working installing business lines the company i was with as been forced to pull the plug here in Toronto, and leave only the ottawa office running, of which they are apparently restructuring and well they don’t need me at least from what I have been told my services will not be necessary regardless of the fact that I was told my skill set was a asset to the company (bull crap).

Here I was thinking that some things where starting to change for me, after the hell i’ve been going though, but no, that is not to be the case, it does appear that hell is what I’m going to have to continue to live though. I’m still for freaking far into credit card debt that I have no freaking clue when that will get paid off, and at the rate of the new interest I’m paying, that will be a freaking long time it does appear.

I can’t even get a freaking job at a local donut shop, or restraint, or what have you .. I keep getting the same freaking “you’ll not stay you’ll leave once you find something better” lines … grrr they make me so freaking angry and pissed off, they don’t know me! Who said I’d move on? granted if the pay isn’t great and greater pay comes along I might move on, but hello that is life in this day and age.

Arg .. i feel like the world is crashing in on me even freaking more now, then before. At least before I had the dream that they might have me back, that I might actually start making money again, and being able to pay the freaking bills off that I accumulated before I left him, but no it doesn’t appear that will be happening anytime in the near future, not if my track record for finding work continues as it has.

Its also closed a door (to a degree) to my even going to future moots, since I can’t now afford to go – not if I need to buy food I can’t … signs just when I was starting to get out again (and i don’t just mean moots, i mean other events that I was hoping and planning on going to), oh well it was fun while it lasted.

Sighs, i need to sleep I need to calm down, and I need to get my head cleared – I’m just so freaking pissed right now, upset with myself, and feeling like I just want to find a dark whole and crawl into it, that or find who ever to break the living crap out of me (not going to but I feel like I don’t deserve to be treated good at the moment – not a good thing).

Well take care everyone, post more as time passes.
Nyx

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