Well, its late in the day here, survived the day but not without a lot of tears and upset on various levels that both my hubby and I had to deal with (mostly me emotionally speaking). Today was the first time Mother’s Day made me upset, in past years it’s just been another day another whatever.
Yet today, my mind kept going back to my mom the fact that she’s not here today, the fact that she’ll never be here with my dad and I (I know she’ll be in the next world, but that doesn’t help the present feelings). The things I said to her in the days leading up to her passing (she was in hospital and I was working and I was spending time between there and work and just really short with her at times, that looking back I’m ashamed of myself for how I treated her in her last days here).
Though sacrament I tried NOT to think about her with everything that was being said because the way I cry its hard to stop and not look like a raccoon afterward. One of the ladies in the ward was giving out rose pins to all the ladies over the age of 21.
Things were going well, till the bread was getting passed and for the first time in a while of all days I was left out of it, they forgot to put the gluten free wafer in its dish (i’m the only member of our ward with celiac) my hubby was really upset that it happened and I was about in tears over it (such a silly matter to be upset over, yet I was – yet in the past, I could have cared less about it cause I know it’s not necessary if you have it in your mind and heart, but still today it did hurt) after wards when everything was over and we were heading off to get our Temple Recommend (our ward is going next saturday and a few people had asked if we’d be going) in that process of doing that the person who handles the bread stuff (his mom also has celiac, but is in a different province) he apologized for their over sight in not having the GF bread there for me, I said it was alright I understood and said “it happens” he just looked at me and smiles with a shake of his head.
Then we split N goes to the men stuff and I head for RS, that went well enough but again lots of talk of children and family and I got BINGOed about half a dozen times at the end of it (sighs, not fun). I know they mean well and everything but still grrrr, I just answer with “No, not in this lifetime. I have another calling than being a mother.” seem’s to work well enough as an answer. While talking with the various ladies it was announced that the young ones had a surprise for us all (more like for everyone else) they had made cupcakes for everyone to enjoy. Got told sorry nothing was gluten-free but I could have a few of the extra chocolates instead which I tuned down because I’ve also got a dairy allergy so I can’t eat them to start with. I left RS with tears in my eyes and just wanted to get out of there as fast as possible, which we did.
Get home only to find in my inbox a mass note from a group I’m a member of wishing me a happy mothers day and I just broke down (ended up writing a blog post to my mom and sharing it with anyone who wishes to read it) my hubby has been good to me my dad well let’s say he’s hurting and is dealing with mom not being here today in his own fashion (he’s currently avoiding me, which will pass I’m very much like my mom so I’m guessing that I’m a big reminder of her that is just a little hard for him to deal with right this moment and I do understand, but I still wish he’d not close himself off to me – but I’m here for him when he’s ready and he’s in my hubby’s and my prayers.
On the upside of things, my hubby was the only child of his mother (she has 3 daughters who all have grown children n in all cases are also already grandmothers themselves) to even call her and wish her a Happy Mother’s Day, so he made her day by doing so. So at least someone had a good mother’s day :: smiles and grins::
I hope everyone here was able to enjoy the day to whatever degree possible, take care.