End of a Chapter

Well today ended a chapter in my life, that I never thought was going to happen.

Alright I knew it was, but until February of 2019 it had not fully crossed my mind that, one day I would be selling the family home. A home that had been in the family for over 100 years. After my dad fell and his dementia got worse I was told that when it came time to put him into a memory care facility that I would be forced to sell the home to pay for his care, because there was no way on what Normand and I make that we would be able to maintain the house and afford the cost of dad’s needed care.

I did’t expect this to happen for another year or so, as in since his decline had been so slow I was expecting that he would go back to baseline and stabilize and with that we’d have another year plus within the house to be able to go though everything and slowly downsize to more manageable deal for when the time came. But that didn’t happen, far from it.

One moment we had a home and where slowly going though things the next we are having to put it on the market and make a mad dash though it to collect what we can and on top of it find a place that we can afford to move into – the time line given was 3 months to sell the house and find a place to live – house sold fast within a few weeks of it hitting the market (no surprise) but finding us a place to move into that was a problem. We applied to many different places and was getting turned down at every turn. We finally got this place at the tenth hour of the deadline before we needed to be out of the house by.

We grabbed what we could from the house, thus were forced to leave behind 90% of the stuff we other wise might have been able to sell or donate – we just didn’t have the time to really go though everything as was really needed. There are so many things that I lost in this move from my youth and as an adult that I am still not sure what we actually saved vs lost. I know my books that I had collected over the years are gone, I only managed to keep about 20 of them and all my school books are gone, all my religious books that I had been keeping are also gone, stuff that was passed down from my mom gone.

But we have a roof over our head, we have each other and thats what matters – lousing so much makes me feel like I failed mom and granny because i lost stuff that they wonted me to have and keep so I feel guilty that I lost it and couldn’t save it. I even feel guilty for putting dad into memory care. I keep feeling like I should have sucked it up and let my mental and physical health go downtime tubes because he is my dad and you are suppose to take care of family.

Yes I know I did what I could to help him and that he needs the memory care that he is getting it doesn’t change the fact that my heart is still heavy about what I had to do, it doesn’t change how I feel about it.

Well post more in time, right now i’m just to raw to think very straight.
Nyx

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