My Weight

Well, its a topic which has been on my mind of late – in most regards because of the several interviews I’ve gone to and well the only reason at times it does feel that I didn’t get the job that I more then qualified for was because they took one look at my and saw my weight and not and that that was the deciding factor (I can’t prove that it was the case, but it sure as hell feels like it is).

I am so NOT a slim twig of a person, and I never will be (not less I get really ill) not with my bone structure and the like – at best I can likely come down to 150lbs if that, I think 180 is a good enough weight for my height and body structure (even if some of the medical ppl say 140 would be better – I do not agree).

I’m 5’10” and have been this height since I was in grade 7 – I haven’t been under 200lbs since i was in my preteens, but I haven’t hit 300 either i’ve settled in a mid rage level that my body seems to be able to maintain on its own so to speak (a little higher then I want it to be, but at least for all the problems i’ve had the past 9 months the weights not getting out of control – just not gone down as I’d like it to have).

I have had the book thrown at me since i was young about me health and my weight, and it drive me buggers – I can swim 10 laps of an olympic size pool without trouble, I can bench press 10 reps of upwards of 250lbs with my arms and upwards of 350 with my legs. I walk an average of 2 hours a day (up and down hills for the most part), and in the good weather I ride my bike as much as possible. I don’t drive most places I walk. I don’t take the elevator I tend to take the stairs.

I am physically active and I eat as healthy as I possibly can – yet for all that the weight doesn’t come off on its own (I know a lot of my body is muscle and not fat, but where the fat is, i’d like to louse it – stumic and ass for the most part). I am at times tired of the fact my body doesn’t respond as it should to lousing weight – the only way it seems to be responding is by taking supplements which give my system the kick it needs to be able to use the nutrients to burn the fat, but without the supplements the weight comes back and everything seems to start over again.

I am nun to pleased with my body for not being able to make use of the nutrients in the food i eat as just about everyone else’s bodies apparently do. Its freaking expensive buying these supplements to give my body the kick start it needs to louse the weight and then having to maintain taking them so that my body can continue to louse the weight – no idea what I’ll do when i reach my goal weight (but I’ll cross that when I get there).

I have been able to get an answer from any of the doc’s I’ve seen about this matter, no one seems to have a freaking answer for me as to why this is happening or what to do about it other then what I am currently doing about it.

The last time I went to a dietitian, she didn’t believe me when i gave her the form of what i was eating and what exercise i was doing on a daily basis, she out right told me I was freaking lying to her about it all, and that If i wasn’t going to tell her the truth then she wasn’t going to be able to help me. She was like there is no medical reason that you can’t louse the weight if you where doing as you have said you where doing – and POCS is no excuse for not being able to louse the weight that its just a farce.

Needless to say she pissed me off badly. I went to her to see if she would be able to help me, not put me down and call me a lier. I am just glad that I didn’t have to pay to see her – so to speak. yes i had to pay though my taxes, but still her fee outside of the hospital isn’t worth it at least to me its not, since she herself has never been over weight. Like what the hell good is a person telling me about weight loss who has never had to deal with it herself? Like hello!

Sighs, sometimes I think that the medical profession is full of it, if it isn’t one thing its another that they are skuing up on. And getting close to straight answer out of them, is harder then having teeth pulled it does feel – as in they don’t seem to know as much as they say they do. Even the specialists at times seem no better then the GPs – which is most frustrating to say the least, since I’d like to live to see old age and not get killed by a doc who doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing when it comes to prescribing medications.

Sighs I know I’m cranky because I don’t have work at the moment – getting volunteer work isn’t a problem there is more then enough volunteer work out there (and I am volunteering at the local newspaper as a photographer), but its paying work I need, I can’t live with my folks forever (since they will not always have this place as they themselves are getting on in age).

I hate the idea of going on medical disability because to me there is nothing freaking wrong with me medically speaking – yes I have diabetes, but that’s not likely to kill me anytime soon, its the Porphyria that’s more likely to kill me through complications from drugs and untreated medical treatments that one might get treated for when the doc’s think its one problem when its actually another entirely causing the problem.

Sighs its getting late, better turn in. Post more as time does pass, take care.
Nyx

Comments

comments

WordPress theme: Kippis 1.15