Crappy Pick-up Lines

*I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day.

*Nice legs…what time do they open?

*Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw you checking out my package

*You’ve got 206 bones in your body, want one more?

*Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?

*I’m a bird watcher and I’m looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher. Have you seen one?

*Want to play army? I’ll lay down and you can blow the hell out of me.

*I wish you were a Rocking Horse outside Tesco, so I could ride you all day long for 50p.

*Oh, I’m sorry, I thought that was a Braille nametag.

*Is that a ladder in your stockings or the stairway to heaven?

*You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

*You must be the limp doctor because I’ve got a stiffy.

*If it’s true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.

*(Look down at your crotch) Well, it’s not just going to suck itself.

*You. Me. Whipped cream. Handcuffs. Any questions?

*Screw me if I’m wrong, but is your name Helga Titsbottom?

*Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor.

*My name is Derek…remember that, you’ll be screaming it later.

*Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?

*Hi, I’m Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.

*Want to come over for some pizza and sex? No? Why? Don’t you like pizza?

*Do you sleep on your stomach? Can I???

*I lost my puppy. Can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.

*(Lick finger and wipe on her shirt) Let’s get you out of these wet clothes

*If you and me weren’t meant to be, then Lightning would strike me…

*Those must be space pants your wearing ‘cos your arse is out of this world

*I’m fighting the urge to make you the happiest man on the planet tonight

*If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, lets all get together and have the time of our lives

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