The Temperature Conversion Guide (degrees are in Fahrenheit):
50 above – New Yorkers turn on the heat. Canadians plant gardens.
40 above – Californians shiver uncontrollably. Canadians sunbathe.
35 above – Italian cars won’t start. Canadians drive with the windows down.
32 above – Distilled water freezes. Canadian water gets thicker.
20 above – Floridians wear coats, gloves & wool hats. Canadians throw on a t-shirt.
15 above – Californians begin to evacuate the state. Canadians go swimming.
Zero – New York landlords finally turn up the heat. Canadians have the last cook-out before it gets cold.
10 below – People in Miami cease to exist. Canadians lick flag poles.
20 below – Californians fly away to Mexico. Canadians throw on a light jacket.
40 below – Hollywood disintegrates. Canadians rent videos.
60 below – Mt. St. Helens freezes. Canadian Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door to door.
80 below – Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic. Canadian Boy Scouts postpone “Winter Survival” classes until it gets cold enough.
100 below – Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Canadians pull down their ear flaps.
173 below – Ethyl alcohol freezes. Canadians get frustrated when they can’t thaw their kegs.
297 below – Microbial life survives on dairy products. Canadian cows complain of farmers with cold hands.
460 below – ALL atomic motion stops. Canadians start saying”Cold’nuff for ya?”
500 below – Hell freezes over. The Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup