Red Flags: The Abuser…

. . . is jealous of the victim’s friends and family.

. . . keeps track of the time the victim is away from them.

. . . follows the victim to find out where they are going or who they are with.

. . . calls the victim frequently (4 or 5 times) to be sure they are where they said they would be.

. . . demands to know who the victim is talking to.

. . . accuses the victim of flirting every time they talk to someone.

. . . sulks when they do not get their way.

. . . fails to listen to the victim when the subject of discussion isn’t important to them.

. . . talks louder and louder until they get the victim’s undivided attention.

. . . makes the victim stop what they are doing to listen.

. . . won’t admit when they are wrong.

. . . accuses the victim of doing things they haven’t done and insists on believing the lies are true.

. . . pesters the victim about something they think the victim did until they admit it.

. . . says things to the victim like, “You belong to me,” “I got papers on you,” and “You will do so and so because we are married.”

. . . tells the victim how to dress and whether to wear make-up or not.

. . . uses what the victim has said against them.

. . . doesn’t like anyone the victim likes and criticizes their friends.

. . . doesn’t accept boundaries well.

. . . makes ultimatums.

. . . is overly nice to strangers and compliments and flatters them.

. . . wants to make the victim’s decisions.

. . . hates what the victim buys.

. . . criticizes the victim frequently.

. . . destroys the victim’s property.

. . . hits walls, throws items, “acts crazy” to intimidate the victim.

Additionally, the abuser is-controlling, possessive, bossy, jobless, a drug user, abuses alcohol, was an abuser in a previous relationship, is secretive, sneaky, argumentative, has an uncontrollable temper, is too good to be true, lies, doesn’t accept the word “no,” and pushes for their wants too hard and too soon.

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