There has been a talk going on a few of the ChildFree lists that I am on in regards to what one’s dating deal breakers are or have been in the past, and it got me to thinking about some of the areas that I had when I was myself looking for someone to share my life with.
When I was once looking I really didn’t have an issue with the person I was dating having children or not, but there where qualifiers to that.
was that the person NOT be the primary caretaker for the children
that they didn’t wont any more children
would be willing to make sure that couldn’t happen if they where a male
if there where children that they are pre-teens but over the age of 3 (I just know that I can not deal with babies and teens are hard enough to deal with in the school environment, never mind the home front).
On no terms would they call me mom or mommy, first name deal or a nick would be used
There was some other ones, but I don’t remember them since well I only ever dated a couple of people who had children to start with, most bailed on me when they heard the term ChildFree or that I was Infertile.
In general when I was dating my main deal breakers where…
Drinker (I do not drink, so for me anyone I am with shouldn’t either – a single cooler once a month or couple times a year to be was acceptable, but nothing stronger)
Smoker (this was one of those areas that wasn’t hard to find people who where older who didn’t but my own age group is was next to impossible)
Drug User (enough said)
Being Abusive background (I fell into this trap once to many that I wasn’t going to fall into it again if I could well help it)
Being a religious fanatic or similar deal there of (you can follow your own path, but forcing it down my throat or trying to covert me over big deal breaker)
Being intolerance of someone who is Pagan (I’ve walked my path for 20 plus years of my life, its part of who I am at my core so anyone who couldn’t take that part of me I wasn’t interested in dating)
Someone who worked at the same company I did (might work out for some, but I just wasn’t in to that deal, if we ended up working together at a home business or the like later on that was a different matter)
Like all things there was other areas that came under the deal breakers, but there where also flexible deal breakers that I might over look if there was something else going on that found deal breaker wasn’t that much of an issue (as in current smoker but was in the process of quitting and was showing progress about doing so).
We all have things we look for in a partner weather one is looking for that person to marry or to just be a companion for the rest of their life – we all have things we look for and things that just are not going to work for us regardless of how well we like or get along with the person.
Being ChildFree is no different when it comes to looking for that special person in ones life, we all have an idea of what it is we wont out of a partner and what we are not willing to do within a relationship, such as having a child of our blood or becoming a mom to a step child. There are people who draw the line at dating those who like dogs or cats, just as there are those who draw the line at dating anyone who has cats, but will only date those who have dogs and vice versa.
When I was looking for a person to spend my life with, I was looking for…
Someone who loved and/or had dogs, but who wasn’t into cats and who liked or at least was willing to live with parrots.
Someone who would love me for who I am and not an ideal that they wonted me to conform to.
Someone who could deal with having a partner who was diabetic and all associated issues that can come with being one.
Someone who could deal with my asexuality and lack of sex drive and not feel the need to try and fix me when there is nothing wrong with being asexual.
Someone who was pagan or at least open to pagan beliefs in general
Someone who loved to travel and see parts of the world as time passes
Someone who either identified as being Furry or who was at least understanding of furies
Well for all of the listing of things I was looking for in a partner I did find a good number of them in my hubby, some areas I didn’t even know I was looking for and other ares that I wasn’t to keen on well they really don’t make a difference between us as I thought they might (such as our ages only being just over a year apart, I never though I’d get along with someone my own area this well, since its not been my own track record over the years I was dating).
So those where some of my deal breakers and other things I once use to look for when I was on the dating market. Not much different then those who are not ChildFree in many areas but different enough that it made dating its own night mare from time to time.
Well hope everyone has a wonderful May, take care and write more as time does allow for it.
Nyx
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